From an author with a psychology background, a candid memoir about the interior of her own psychotic episode and its origins in guilt, lost purpose, conflict between mothering and career, and the ambiguity in her relationship with her therapist.

Just after Linda, nineteen, and her brother Brian, eighteen, move from their tiny country town in Wisconsin to the tumult of Los Angeles in 1967, the Summer of Love, their parents decide to divorce—and for the first time, the two teenagers find themselves truly on their own. Forced to fend for himself, Brian’s life quickly spirals downward: He hitchhikes around the country, lands in psychiatric hospitals and jails, and, finally, commits an irrevocable act. Plagued with guilt over her role in Brian’s deterioration, Linda loses her own sense of purpose, gives up a promising career in psychology, and finds herself in a life she never envisioned—poor, alcoholic, an accidental parent in an unhappy marriage, feeling invisible and alone.

When Linda’s husband, Jake, urges her to see Sam, a psychologist, for help in quitting smoking, Sam quickly becomes a touchstone for what she has lost: her sense of self. Feeling truly seen, she falls in love with him, and she believes he might return her feelings. But he offers her only mixed messages, and the ambiguity triggers her descent into a psychotic episode—one that echoes her dreams, Brian’s experience, and Sam’s own phobia.

Will she follow her brother’s path—or will she find her way back to herself and create the life she longs to live?

Linda Bass holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology from UCLA (Phi Beta Kappa, with psychology honors), and a master’s degree in psychology from UC Berkeley. She worked in the workforce development field for thirty years, most recently as the executive director of a regional workforce board in Cambridge, MA. Now retired, she devotes her time to writing, painting, solving puzzles, reading, singing (to herself), enjoying friends and family, and feeling grateful for the life she has now. She currently lives in South Hadley, MA, and is working on a second book.